Hey there Pups,
Today I was contemplating an event that happened for me recently.
I was taking part in a scene with my Master and a friend. As part of the scene Sir instructed my friend on how to flog with me being the “floggee”.
While only being brief I enjoyed the chance to be flogged, to submit and allow my body to be used as a teaching tool. I enjoyed the sensations and the nice dull thud with an occasional sting.
Afterwards I smiled as I enjoyed that nice toasty glow that tingles your skin after a good solid whack.
Seeing my pleasure Sir asked me to thank my friend for the flogging, It was at this point that I felt the real struggle.
As I got down on my knee to offer my thanks I suddenly felt weird, almost embarrassed but also resistant. I couldn’t look my friend in the eye as I tried my hardest to offer a sincere thankyou. I was feeling resistance but unsure why.
The issue wasn’t pushed but it did leave me feeling unsure as to why I felt such a feeling.
Part of me was saying “I don’t want to submit to another Master”, and another was not wanting to feel “sub” to a person I consider a friend.
Unsure I did my best to release the thought and talked with Sir about it that evening.
It wasn’t till the next day that it hit me. I wasn’t struggling in to show my appreciation of the flogging, I enjoyed it, it was awesome. My struggle was actually my own. An image of what I had in my head of a “sub”, an image I did not want to share with a friend… You see in my head my belief was that to say thank you as a sub I needed to be cowering, to be weak and I don’t believe that of myself.
I was fighting the image, not the desire.
The truth was that I did enjoy the flogging and the most sincere way to have shown my gratitude would have been with a big old shit eating grin that screamed “Thank you! I fucking enjoyed that!”
Once that simple fact hit me I was amazed, I wonder how often I have not done something for fear of a false image in my mind, for fear of what another person would think of me.
So today I have made an oath to myself, why fight the desire… Fight the image that is stopping me from moving towards what I love.
It is with eternal gratitude I want to say thank you to Sir and my friend. Thank you for allowing me to learn.
Gpup Alpha
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Hey pup. This was just a catch up at my place not an actual event.